I remember growing up, I thought turning 30 was the pinnacle of adulthood. By the age of 30, I told myself, I will be married, with or expecting a kid, be an editor of a magazine, have a close-knit circle of friends and would feel ‘settled’. Yet, with my 30th birthday just weeks away, I haven’t achieved even half of these things - and that’s OK.
As women, 30 is sold to us as the ultimate ‘have it all done’ age, whether by film (13 going on 30 gifted us the iconic ‘30, flirty and thriving’ mantra) or by song (Lily Allen’s song ‘22’ told us a story of a woman whose future looked bright at 22 but being single at 30 meant her ‘life was over’).
By 30, we’re meant to be thriving in our careers, have ‘pinned down’ a man, be financially stable, be well-travelled, follow a solid diet and exercise regime, have at least one or two hobbies and, for those of us who want children, have started to think about it because god forbid we wait until our mid-30s when our ovaries are considered ‘geriatric’.
We don’t see men using ‘boy math’ when they buy themselves a boat now, do we?
Even as a young 20-something I felt this pressure. I only had one decade to get it all done before the 30 cut-off mark, how could I fit it all in? In the beginning, I thought I was doing everything right. I got an entry-level job in the right industry straight out of university, then moved overseas where I travelled across Europe and landed in London. When in the capital, I began to climb the career ladder, I met the man who would eventually become my husband and I had a wide group of friends.
Now, on the brink of turning 30, most of my friends have moved away. I haven’t written a best-selling novel nor am I running a magazine. I haven’t lost the weight I promised myself I’d lose. The cost of living crisis has meant buying a home feels like a pipe dream, and I’ve joined the growing list of women worried about fertility even though I’m not quite ready to have kids yet (can you tell I'm a chronic over thinker?). While yes, I am married and I think my husband is the kindest man on the planet, this doesn’t mean that all my other wants are null and void. Your relationship status should never define your self worth.
What you learn as you get older (I say this knowing in the grand scheme of things that I am still very young), is that priorities change and what you once thought was the right path for you won’t necessarily always be. For me, it took landing an editor role to realise that no job was worth toxic workplace politics. Up until that point, I had always been ambitious, and letting go of that ambition and allowing myself to prioritise my mental health was a huge learning curve. Now, I value work-life balance over everything.
One of the biggest challenges of reaching your late 20s is not getting sucked into comparison culture and instead realising that it’s totally fine and not at all alarming that your peers are on different life trajectories to you. I have friends who have been parents for years, others who own a home and investment properties, some making more money than my husband and I combined, others who jet to somewhere different in Europe every weekend, others who are living their best single life, others with seriously impressive hobbies and others who get endless promotions.
“I’ve had enough of being lectured on it by people who met their partners 10 years ago the old-fashioned way.”
I may not be thriving in some of the ways my friends are (and I’m definitely not flirty), but for the most part I’m content. I always thought I’d be a bit more worried about turning 30, that I would be internally scolding myself for not having checked off every item in my ever-expanding to-do list. Yet, the closer it looms the more at peace I feel about it all. My hopes and dreams for my life don’t have to diminish just because I’m leaving my 20s. In fact, I have a feeling my 30s will be my best decade yet, and my 40s even better and so on. Each new decade, new year, new day is a chance to savour the small moments and small joys - not everything has to be a grand, ambitious achievement to be worthy of celebrating.
If I could go back now and talk to my 20-something self, I would tell her not to worry. You might not get that promotion or do that trip or stay friends with that person, but everything will work out how it is supposed to, even if it wasn’t what you planned. There will be some hard times and some unbelievably good times, and these will help shape the person you become and make you feel ready to tackle a new decade - and whatever it brings with it - head on.
- Don’t define yourself by your career. Work hard and enjoy what you do, sure, but make time for other aspects of your life too.
- Make the most of your summers while you’re at school or university. When you start working full time you’ll wish you could go back to that endless summer feeling.
- Nourish your friendships. Pick up the phone and give your friend a call or set a bi weekly coffee date - they are the ones who will be there for you through the good and bad.
- Travel as much as you can within your means. Your 20s are the easiest and cheapest time to travel so take advantage of it (you won’t want to stay in hostels any more once you reach 30).
- Eat food and do exercise that makes you feel good. It took me too long to realise that what I eat affects how my body feels, and that I don’t have to run or go to the gym to do exercise, any way I can move my body that feels good is beneficial.
- Avoid comparison culture. Nothing good comes from comparing yourself to others.
- Invest your savings or put them into a high interest bank account. Make money on your money and always have emergency savings for times in need.
- The people who matter to you will love you no matter what you weigh. Stop believing you’ll be happier if you ‘lose a few pounds’ and work on leading the most fulfilling life just as you are.
- Moisturise every damn day. Trust me, you’ll thank me for it later.
- Your life doesn’t stop at 30. It only continues to grow richer and more vibrant.
