A career and social life that revolved around booze led to former advertising director Anna Sudbury quitting alcohol for good. Not only did Anna realise her friendships were stronger than ever, she also forged a new career pathway as a sober coach. Here, Anna shares her story.
My social life revolved around bottles of wine. If you had a promotion, you celebrated with wine. If you had a bad break up, you drank wine to forget. Dinners out were all about trying new wines in new places. Dinners in were all about bringing a bottle and seeing how long it took before the karaoke machine came out. When I had a baby, my NCT catch ups involved Prosecco and comparing sleepless nights. When my husband and I got a rare night out away from the baby, we'd share a bottle (or two) of wine and talk about the kids. I couldn't see how my social life could be unpicked from my drinking - they were so entwined I assumed that if I tried sobriety I'd lose my mates, and become really boring.
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It wasn't until August bank holiday in 2009 that I something in me wanted to make a change. I was sat on a plane coming back from a long weekend hanging out with friends after a big, boozy month with work - a career in advertising is like being surrounded by alcohol. Being a mum is hard work, and society tells you that 'wine o'clock' will get you through it. I realised that I simply couldn't go on the way I was. I had no idea how I'd make it to Friday if I felt the crushing headaches, anxiety and exhaustion that were pressing me into my seat. I felt trapped in a world that revolved around alcohol and socialising, and I was scared it might break me. I vowed in that moment not to have an alcoholic drink til Friday. Friday rolled round and I tried my first sober weekend. I read Catherine Grey's book The Unexpected Joy of being Sober, and committed to a sober month. I pushed on to 100 days. It wasn't easy, but it was liberating. I never looked back.
I was nervous about telling my mates most of all but took the leap and explained that I was taking a break, and was surprised by how it wasn't a big deal. I expected push back but I got support. I expected the invites to dry up, but my friends just made sure there were alternative drinks for me to have. I was determined not to miss out, so I still went to every hen do, baby shower and Friday night dinner, willing myself not to drink and wondering who'd be judging what was in my glass. But nobody cares!
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It turns out what is in your glass is the least interesting thing about you - my friends cared about me, what I was doing, how my job was going, what my kids were into. And some of my booziest friends were my biggest champions - finding alcohol-free alternatives, making sure I didn't pay for everyone else's drinks on a night out, and celebrating my milestones. Funnily enough, some of them come to me now with questions about a sober life, and for advice on cutting back. Lots of people want what I've achieved, so I can pay back my amazing friends with my own experiences. They also love having a free taxi to every event - I'm always the designated driver!
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Since I've given up drinking, I feel as if I have achieved so many new things - from taking up roller derby, to doing a headstand in yoga, to hiking in Iceland. I've started a coaching business around my sober journey - I help other frazzled midlife mums ditch the drink and live a full life they love. My relationship with my husband has been transformed - we argue less, and we hang out more (he still drinks by the way, and it doesn't bother me). We moved out of London together and now live six minutes from the beach on the Kent coast. We committed to a full house renovation, turning a dilapidated 1978 bungalow into a family home. I don't think I'd have done any of these things if I'd still been distracted by a boozy life, and preoccupied what I did or didn't do the night before. I also sleep so well, with no more 3am wake ups wondering if I needed to apologise to anyone, or getting up to see if I'd lost my phone in a late night cab. As a mum, sleep is priceless!
I feel like my kids get the best of me. I say 'yes' to so much more now. Yes to playing hide and seek, to building a train track, to baking a cake. Before, I'd have been too knackered or hungover to play with them. I'd have made excuses, made promised that it'd happen 'later'. One memorable occasion, I spent £16 on back-to-back episodes of the new Paw Patrol series, because I couldn't face hanging out with them and coping with the noise and activity that comes from young kids. I can't imagine doing that now - I'm on the floor, playing games and having a lovely time. They won't be young for long - I want to soak it up as much as I can.
The biggest surprise has been that nothing has actually changed. I still sing loudly (and badly) at karaoke, I still dance on tables, I still stay up late talking to my friends, I still have fun at weddings and celebrations and I don't miss out. In fact, because I remember every moment the next day, I'm more present than I ever was before. And I bloody love it.
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In my sober coaching business, I help people put in place a tool kit that gives them the best possible chance of ditching the booze. Here's my advice for anyone wanting to give up booze.
- NUTRITION. Eating well sets you up for success, and can help you survive the early days of sobriety when your brain chemistry is rebalancing. Find ways to move your body that keep you active and outside.
- CONNECTIONS. You should never be alone in your sober curiosity. There are tonnes of sober communities, podcasts and influencers out there to ensure you have all you need, and that you have champions behind you.
- CHALLENGE THE NARRATIVE. "Oh, I could never ditch the drink. I need it to be fun / sexy / confident etc". So many of us have narratives we don't challenge. Identify the difference between a fact, and a limiting belief. You'll be amazed at what you can change when you change your language.
- STAY CURIOUS. Examine how you feel when you're not drinking so you can acknowledge the trigger points before they arrive and remember the joy and wonder that you'll find in a life not blurred by a hangover. New experiences are out there, and they are wonderful.
- SELF CARE. This doesn't just mean a bubble bath or a manicure (although those are nice!), but ways to nourish your soul. For me, it's walking my dog on the beach, reading my kids bedtime stories, and always having a good book on the go (current fave, Yellowface). For others it's cooking, singing, dancing, yoga, study, art - the possibilities are endless. Make sure you have time for the things you love, which isn't always easy when you are working or parenting. But of course with booze out of the equation, you have time for so much more.
Visit annasudburysober.com.
