Logan Brown | GLAMOUR Unfiltered

I am a trans pregnant man and I do exist,

so no matter what anyone says, I literally am living proof.

Hi, I'm Logan Brown, and this is my GLAMOUR Unfiltered.

I feel like I've been brought up

in a very close-knit family in general,

and to be able to bring a baby up into the world

in a queer relationship is like the best feeling ever.

And I feel like we'll be able to love each other,

appreciate each other,

and I feel like my daughter will be able to grow up

knowing that she'll always be loved and accepted

for whoever she is.

And I think that's a really important thing

for her to be around.

Since being younger, I always had these weird feelings

that I never fully understood until I got older, you know,

and that's probably to do with gender dysphoria,

especially with my chest.

And like when I was younger,

I'd definitely been in situations

where I'd be binding down my chest,

putting certain clothes on that I thought boys wore,

and then immediately just like take it off in embarrassment.

When I was about 13, 14, I actually came out as lesbian,

and I feel like that was more to do with how I dressed.

And I dressed in like a certain,

I was a bit of like a tom boy and everyone used to say,

Oh, you're definitely a lesbian.

Like adults would literally say to me,

Why are you wearing that? Are you a lesbian?

And I was like, I don't know. I don't know.

And the thing is is that gender and sexuality

are two completely different things

that people don't even realize.

So yeah, so I came out as lesbian,

had a few girlfriends for a few years,

long-term relationships.

And then after I finally just focused on myself,

I realized that there was more to this, like,

there was more to me and like my identity,

and me being trans was something that I wanted to explore.

And I realized that all them years ago,

all them things that I was told of like, Well, you can't.

Like, it's so weird.

It was like, You can't like boys 'cause you dress like that

so you must be a lesbian.

I realized that gender and sexuality

are two completely different things,

and that I could just love anyone.

And now, like I pretty much identify as queer,

and I realized that I could just love and be with anyone.

I met Bailey nearly two years ago,

so we've not even been together that long to be honest.

That's why it's like a big shocker

that we're even having a baby together.

I came across some of their videos and I thought,

Who is that? Like they are crazy.

And I just almost felt like I could relate to them as well

as like being the misfit all the time.

Like they resemble that in all the videos.

And then I seen like a really,

like a vulnerable video of them

and I thought, They're bit of me.

I thought they're very cute.

And I literally just reached out to them

and I was like, I think you're really, really cute.

We went on a date.

And it was not your usual date. It was just chaos.

And then like shortly after time we was just, yeah,

I'm obsessed with them. [laughs]

So I found out I was pregnant

because I took a pregnancy test early hours in the morning

whilst Bailey was asleep,

and I just had this really weird feeling

that something wasn't right.

And obviously I've been off the testosterone for a while

due to some health issues,

so I just kind of had this really weird feeling.

And I took the pregnancy test,

and it was just like this,

it was like my whole world just stopped.

And yeah, it was literally when I saw them two lines

I was just like, What the heck.

That everything, just all my manlihood

that I've tried to work hard for for so long

just completely felt like it was erased.

Yeah, that's how I found out.

So at first, I was like lingering around the house

whilst Bails was still asleep.

And I was like, Oh, do I wake them up or do I not?

It was really hard 'cause how do you tell your partner like,

Oh, I'm pregnant,

but, oh, I'm also your boyfriend as well?

So I was like lingering around them for ages

and then I was just like, I'm gonna do it.

I'm going to just wake them up.

So I tapped them, and Bailey was like, What's up?

I was like I couldn't get the words out of my mouth

to say it because it's just something

that you just don't say as a man.

And I was like, I'm pregnant.

And it was kind of like this moment of,

All right. Okay, that's all right.

And then it just went into like,

Oh no, this isn't good. What about my career?

You're a pregnant man.

And we were both just doing that

back and forth constantly of like, Oh, my god.

And we just didn't speak for like two hours.

And then afterwards we had a bit of a chat,

but the reaction was mixed emotions for both of us.

And it felt like it was all on me in a way

'cause it's my body.

And it definitely takes two to tango,

but I felt like 'cause it was going on in my body

it felt like I was an issue.

So it took me ages to get to this point

of being confident with who I am now,

and being a pregnant man, and like saying that

and, you know, all these things that I've started doing

and educating people on it.

I think, if anything, when I got to that point

when I realized I didn't want the thought

of having to get rid of the baby

when it was happening inside my body,

it was a really, really weird feeling,

and I kind of got connected to that.

And I was like I'm never gonna get this opportunity again

to, you know, as a queer couple,

to have a baby that's biologically both ours.

That was like really special to me.

And just something just clicked.

And then I think I spent so much time feeling shame

and being hard on myself,

I just thought you can either enjoy this process

or just, you know, make it really difficult for yourself.

And something just clicked, and I was like,

No, I'm gonna own this.

I'm a pregnant man, and we're very lucky,

and I'm proud to do what we're doing, 100%.

I've not really been surprised

about any of the negative comments that I've had from people

because I just feel like with this sort of thing,

obviously it's not your usual every everyday thing.

I feel like there's always gonna be people in comments,

you know, keyboard warriors on Instagram.

These people that say things online

would probably never say this to my face in general.

So I'm not surprised about some of the comments

that I've received at all.

And to be honest,

and I think like with Bailey's platform as well,

we've just received like a lot of love,

like a lot of queer joy and love.

Yeah, I'm not surprised about the hate comments at all.

That's been difficult.

I would rather educate people

than respond back with hateful comments.

I'm not gonna change my identity.

We're real living people that live every day.

And at the end of the day,

I am a trans pregnant man and I do exist,

so no matter what anyone says, I literally am living proof.

I think like after, you know, when that kind of blew up,

I realized that there was more love than actual hate,

like especially in the queer community.

And not just even in the queer community,

like from, you know, cis straight people

that were messaging me going like,

I never even thought about this thing,

or, I used to think like this,

but now, you know, you've told your story,

I've read your blog, and I completely understand it.

It makes complete sense.

And that's kind of, you know,

it's not my job to educate people at all,

but because I'm so passionate about, you know, existing,

and trans people are so important,

that I feel like I need to get my story out there.

And it's a positive story.

At the minute, with the media and kind of wherever I look,

I feel like there's a lot of hate towards trans people.

There's a lot of misconceptions

that people don't actually know about.

Things are worded in the wrong way.

And it's really concerning

because I know people that want to transition and can't

because they're so terrified

because of what's coming out in the media at the minute

about them that they don't want that on them either.

And that's really hard to see

because, you know, I'm here living authentically as myself

and it's took a long time, and you can do it,

but some people are not as strong sometimes.

And, you know, this thing about men can't get pregnant.

I just feel like I would not identify as anything else

as soon as I found out that I'm pregnant.

And it's important for me to stay real with my identity.

And I am a pregnant man. I am trans.

I feel like, as well, I try to stay positive about things

and think this is being talked about

so something's changing, something's happening.

We're getting somewhere.

At least it's being talked about because back in the day

it was never talked about at all.

And this is where people have opinions on our existence.

So at least it's been talked about.

It's not good, but I do feel

like something's gonna come good out of it.

And we won't stop fighting until we get there, anyway.

I love Pride.

Pride means to me absolutely everything.

Since being about 13, 14, I've always gone to Pride.

It's my favorite time of the year.

I just feel like it's that one time

where you can just fully be yourself and not feel judged.

Like some straight cis people wouldn't understand

the things that like the LGBTQ+ community go through.

So for example, just walking through the street

on a day-to-day basis.

Like, you know, I have to think about the consequences

of holding my partner's hand,

and some people wouldn't even have to think about that.

And the fact that we could do that at Pride all the time

and just be yourself,

it's like completely, it just feels free.

So I just think it's really important.

And I love it when you see younger people there as well.

I just think that like, you know,

it's nice for everyone to be involved.

I think Pride's a very family thing as well

'cause people from all over come to Pride and appreciate it.

I think what makes me feel empowered as a trans man

is that whoever I say I am is exactly who I am.

And that's like, no one could ever take that away from me.

And I've learned that recently.

And the fact that now I get to bring a child up to just,

like, for her to know that she can be authentically herself

and love whoever she wants,

like that's really powerful for me.

And to have this opportunity to have my own baby

whilst being truly who I am is really empowering.

Just living every day authentically,

like that's really important.

A lot of people don't do that.

And I'm also proud to be trans as well.

I feel like sometimes, you know,

not every trans person will say that.

Some people hate the fact

that they were born in the wrong body,

and I completely agree with that.

Like it's absolutely horrific.

It's horrible to go through all them things,

but the things that I've gone through

to get to where I am now,

I just completely appreciate life so much more,

life so much better than what it was before.

I can just completely be myself,

so I think that's very powerful.

When I first started transitioning,

I obviously went to the doctors,

and I was basically like, I'm not happy with my chest.

And the doctor couldn't understand,

and I didn't even know

what was going on for me then as well.

And she basically just turned around to me and said,

Well, you need to wear a proper bra, then.

And that made me really upset.

I couldn't understand why I felt the way that I did.

And then the next day I went back, and I was like,

No, I've realized who I am. I'm transgender.

I need to transition.

And she transferred me to a gender clinic on the NHS,

which is such a long process for trans people.

It could take years just to get that first appointment.

And then you have to go through

lots of different appointments,

and sometimes it almost feels like

you have to prove who you are.

Like you have to pass a test.

And I've been in situations where I think,

Oh, should I say this so that I sound more manly

or, you know, whatever like that.

So yeah, the waiting times are really, really long,

and it's a really hard procedure

that you have to go through.

I got on hormones through the NHS and started testosterone.

And then the waiting times for chest surgery

was just way too long.

I ended up going private.

If I didn't do that,

I don't know where I would be right now, you know,

to have the opportunity to go private.

And they did like a shared care,

but the waiting times are way too long for trans people.

So the start of my pregnancy journey

as a trans pregnant man, it was obviously terrifying.

You know, the first appointment that I did when I phoned up,

I was like, Oh, I'm pregnant, to a midwife.

And the first question that she said to me was,

Okay, where do you wanna give birth?

And I wasn't even thinking about anything.

Like I couldn't even process what she was saying.

And some of the appointments after that were positive.

They were like smaller clinic ones,

so they really took a lot of time out

to pay attention to you.

And I had the same midwife all the time,

which was really important.

And then we recently moved houses

and I had to change hospitals.

And it's a much bigger hospital,

and I've not had the best experience.

I feel like, you know, I go in there

and it's full of women, obviously,

because this is a very rare thing,

and I feel like everyone's just looking at me.

I've been misgendered by staff.

And no one's actually turned around to me and said,

Are you okay?

Like, no one's said.

It feels like, Oh, you're a trans pregnant man.

Being pregnant in general is really, really difficult,

but then all the things that come with it,

like me being trans and stuff,

no one's actually said, Are you okay?

You know, Would you like some mental health support?

or anything like that.

And I've been in there crying my eyes out.

And it's one of them like some midwives get it

and some midwives don't.

And I just feel like with LGBTQ+

it shouldn't be optional for them

to have that sort of training.

It should be mandatory because we do exist

and people are going in there, and if that's happened to me,

how many more people is that gonna happen to?

So, yeah, I try to be positive about it.

And I've, you know, I've offered like help and support

of how we can make things better.

And yeah, it's been quite difficult to be honest.

I would just like a bit more support.

And the thing is is that I don't wanna change.

I think I feel like a lot of women get upset.

This is a huge topic at the minute actually.

Women at the minute feel like their rights

are being taken away because people probably like me

want the NHS to be more inclusive.

I don't want women to be erased, you know.

I've lived as a woman and I can fully understand

how difficult it is for women.

It's horrible. It's hard every day.

But like, it would just be nice for us to be more involved

and for me not to be referred as a woman,

not to be referred as a female.

Just like when you're approaching me,

you can just use a different terminology.

And yeah, I think it's really important

to be inclusive, 100%.

So I work as a residential support worker with kids.

I've worked there for three and a half years,

which I absolutely love.

Since being in the job, I immediately,

I didn't out myself, but everyone knew that I was trans.

I think 'cause I'm passionate about it and also, you know,

it's important for the kids to know

that like people like this exist.

And when they found out that I was pregnant,

this was not like something major to them.

Like it was very normalized.

All the kids were very happy about it.

It's just been like a very smooth ride.

I feel like kids are way more accepting than adults

with this sort of thing.

They're more open to ideas,

and we're definitely taught, you know, all this hatred

towards other people.

Like when you're born, you born to love,

and that's what we're supposed to do.

All these things, all these,

you know, feelings towards LGBTQ+ people, that's taught.

And kids these days are just completely on it.

Like, you know, my generation and the generations below,

it's just getting better.

I feel like society could have a better understanding

of trans people and non-binary people by just simply,

it starts off with little things like pronouns.

Pronouns are so important.

And I think some people think

that it's a daft thing to, you know, use they/them

or, you know, the correct pronouns for a trans person.

But for us, it's so important

because we've already lived a life of, you know,

being in the wrong body

and being called something else that we're actually not.

It's really important to get that straight.

And you can simply just ask someone, you know, Oh, sorry,

if you don't know, Sorry, what's your pronouns? Oh, okay.

And even if you slip up with something,

you apologize and you move on.

I think that what's important is to be open-minded

and at least be willing to learn about

what that person's been through and who they are.

Because like I said before,

no matter what you think and feel, we're still existing,

so we're always still gonna be here

and we're living as our true authentic self.

So at the minute, I'm working on two books.

I'm working on a children's book,

which is called In My Daddy's Belly,

and that's based around my story of having a baby.

It's gonna be from my daughter's point of view.

So she's gonna be telling the story

of what it's like having two daddies,

you know, one being a drag queen

and the other like, you know, her living in my belly.

And I think that's really important for her.

Like for me to be able to read that book for her

to understand as she grows older of like,

you know, where she's come from if she's ever confused.

Or, you know, there's probably gonna be judgment,

and it's important for her to know that,

of where she's come from,

and I want her to feel proud about that as well.

And then the second book that I'm currently working on

is more of like an autobiography.

And again, like it's not my job to educate people,

but I feel like when I first found out that I was pregnant,

I had nothing to kind of like turn to or any resources,

and like with the NHS and what it's like

going to midwife appointments.

And since being open about my story,

people, like trans people, have messaged me saying,

Oh, my God, this is so amazing what you're doing.

You know, I would really consider doing this.

And then I sat back and I thought,

I never had that option.

Like I never had anything there, you know.

This was an accident for us.

I fell pregnant, so I never had anything like that

or anything to relate to.

So I really wanted to create a book

to help people like that, you know,

if they was to do the same thing.

And also for other people who aren't trans

just to like be curious, who are curious,

and want to know about the situation.

I think to the younger generation,

like I think that we really need to protect trans kids.

And it's important for like, you know, like people like me

and people like trans activists

that are talking out about it for the younger generation.

I'd like them to know that it does get better.

At the start, it's really, you know,

it's a horrible thing to go through.

The process that you have to go through, the appointments,

but you will get there in the end

and you will live authentically as yourself.

The feeling afterwards when you get to live like that

is such an amazing feeling,

and it really makes life worth living a lot more,

and you definitely will get there.

Protect trans kids all the time.